How To Model Conscious Positive Body Image to Kids

Mind

Jun 22

Full disclosure, I’m not a mom, and I’ve never been pregnant. So, take my advice here with that caveat.

What I am, is a daughter.

One of my earliest memories of my mother, is in the dressing room at TJ Maxx (she taught me the joy of bargain hunting early on) trying on bathing suits. She brought about 10 different black one pieces (in hindsight, wow, chic.) and about a million queen size blanket sized sarongs into the dressing room. Out of boredom, I crawled under the door while she was still changing (sorry I was such a hyperactive handful, Mom!) and went to go find some “fun” clothes for her to try on. I came running back, breathless, with a yellow bikini with big, bright flowers on it. Before she could even scold me for disappearing, she scoffed, “I’m too fat for that”.

Now, to be perfectly clear, this didn’t cause my future eating disorder. The older I get, watching my friends and clients parent, the more clearly I can see she did the absolute best she could. This was a tiny, unconscious moment that my mom probably never thought twice about, and I’ll bet won’t remember until she reads this- which she definitely will. At which point, she’ll over-apologize profusely and I’ll have to remind her that I know she’s human, (Mom! I love you and I know you’re human!).

What it WAS, was my first demonstration that women should feel bad about or hide their bodies, and that there was a specific type of beauty to aspire to. The thin part was obviously communicated and the white, cisgender, able bodied part was more through the complete absence of exposure to anything else in media. Early childhood psychology and neuroscience says that much of what happens between ages 0-7 shapes how we see the world. There are many actual parents and resources more qualified than me to speak on the subject, but given that I talk about how to reframe our own approach to movement and our bodies, I wanted to share a few ideas to get comfortable sharing it with the children in your live.

Quick Start Guide to Embodying Positive Body Image for Children

Observe your own belief system around beauty, body image, movement, assigning values like “clean” or “dirty” to food, self worth as it relates to looks, and what your definition of health is. Awareness is the hardest part, because every single person in modern life is conditioned to have all sorts of ideas about these things that don’t necessarily contribute to positive mental health.
Kids are naturally intuitive. Encourage them to listen to their body’s hunger cues and eat to complete satiation. Encourage nutrient dense, nourishing foods, but allow ALL foods. Let them know eating for pleasure is just as valid as eating for fuel.
Talk up the joyful parts of movement that don’t have to do with appearance. Model a fitness practice that you look forward to, enjoy, and have fun with. Resenting or dreading exercise will show them it’s a punishment, not a reward.
Watch the way you talk about others, and yourself. Don’t put your body or other’s bodies down in front of them, (while you’re at it, be a little nicer to yourself in general). Vocalizing your own predisposed judgments not only invites your child to follow suit- but it also teaches them that appearances are more valuable than character and to feel an unfulfillable pressure to find worthiness .