How To Use Journaling To Process Emotions and Combat People Pleasing
If you’ve been keeping up with me all summer, you’ve heard about the journaling workshops I led with Katie Daleabout and Katie Horwitch on Anxiety, Transitions, and Body Image (I have another one on the relationship between emotional and physical pain coming up in Sept!)
Growing up a dancer, my primary means of self expression has always been movement, but after I left the professional performance world, I found writing to be an incredibly therapeutic outlet for my creativity. I have written for Bustle, Well + Good, Dance Magazine, and more- but the majority of my writing, no one sees, and I may even ritually burn or destroy the evidence of it after a particularly cathartic dump.
For whatever reason, as a writer, I don’t get caught up in perfection as much as I did as a dancer, and I’m able to let the words flow out- sometimes in a completely surprising fashion. Freewriting in your journal can unlock some feelings you didn’t know you were having, and serve as a way to get clarity through organizing your thoughts. Though womxn stereotypically are known to be excellent communicators, we are also stereotypically people pleasers. People pleasing can sometimes mean putting other people’s feelings before you own- and your journal is a place for you to safely express yourself without having to prioritize other people’s emotions.
How to use journaling for sort out your feelings
Set aside 15 min of quiet
Actually handwrite your journals-when you put pen to paper, you’re more mentally engaged with the content you’re creating and improving your conceptual understanding— which is kinda the whole point!
Just write! It can help to have a specific topic in mind in the beginning if you’re feeling lost, and I won’t like- it may feel forced at first. Keep at it though. Your only rules are to keep the pen on the paper and write whatever comes up- and try not to judge it. The first few bits are likely going to be nonsensical and that’s ok! After a while, you’ll start downloading whatever needed to be expressed- built up resentment over lack of acknowledgement at work, something you wish you said to your 7th grade bully, overall frustration with feeling at a lack of control in 2020…
Destroy the evidence! If you want to, that is, I find a sense of closure when I ritually dispose of the messing feelings after a rough session. I’m a big fan of the symbolism of burning the paper ( please do this responsibly!) but I also think ripping up your pages into little pieces of paper can be equally cathartic. There’s something about putting those feelings into the world, learning whatever you needed from them, and then saying goodbye that’s really healing.
A little bonus: here are 4 writing prompts to help you get into it. Once the words start coming, explore it all the way through to the final thought!
Where did my beliefs about my self worth and beauty come from? How have they evolved over time? Do my beliefs reflect my actual experiences?
I feel healthiest and more beautiful when I ________ because _________.
What would my life be like if I started trusting myself more and second guessing myself less?
If exercise didn’t change my appearance, would I still do it? What does this say about my commitment to taking care of myself? Do I need to make any adjustments?
You know by now that I believe exercise should make you feel good and that there are a million reasons to do it that don’t have to do with the beauty ideal. Curious about body neutral fitness can look like? Try Helen Phelan Studio free for 10 days.