How To Respond To Comments About Your Body

Chances are, when dining out (or in) with friends and family (particularly around holiday time), you’ll run into some comments along the lines of:

“Wow, I wish I could eat like that and still be thin”

“Are you sure you should be getting a second helping?”

“Diet starts tomorrow, right?”

“You’ve really been going all out with the indulging lately, huh?”

“You know, this workout I’ve been doing really fixes (insert body part here)!”

These vibe killing comments can show up as someone making negative comments about their own body, and even though they aren’t criticizing you, it can be triggering nonetheless. What sucks the most about these comments, is that they’re usually made by the people who love us the most, which makes them simultaneously more painful, and harder to push back against. For this reason, it’s even more important to vocalize your boundaries.

As a human being myself, I am not exempt from this message. Even still, I catch myself commenting fire emojis on friend's bikini pics on IG and wondering if that did more harm than good. Of course, it’s always a great thing to gas up your friends and everyone wants to feel beautiful- but I invite you to investigate if your compliments are purely body aesthetic related.

Herein lies the grey area:

Tools For Responding To Unwanted Commentary on Your Body

1) Fill them in

Compliments about weight loss are just as harmful as criticism over weight gain if the body change is a result of disordered eating, illness, poor hormone health, injury and so on. If you feel comfortable with the person, let them know what’s really going on with you and how triggering it is to have your body as the topic of conversation, even if it’s well-intentioned. Of course, this isn’t always possible- so keep reading.

2) Show them the bigger picture

Exercising regularly and eating intuitively looks different on all of us, and our bodies are always changing. If lifestyle choices are visible on your body, remind them (and yourself) the other benefits or struggles you’ve been having. This takes the onus off adhering to a specific body ideal, and puts the focus on you as a person, and your overall health from a holistic perspective.

Ex: If you’ve lost weight because you’re not resorting to emotional eating as often, explain how learning mindfulness tools have drastically improved your mood, your ability to enjoy food, and your ability to focus at work.

If you’ve gained weight unexpectedly, remind them we’re all experiencing a pandemic and your routine has been different than usual, and it’s normal that your body has responded, but you’re grateful to be healthy and safe and your priority is engaging in movement that feels. If they’re commenting about food on your plate, assert that you are just as deserving of enjoying food as anyone else- and that following intuitive, physiological cues from your body around hunger and fullness is much healthier than deprivation.

3) Point out disordered behavior

Disordered habits, and the opinions of other people’s habits that stem from them can become deeply ingrained. Your loved one may not even notice they’ve only been talking about their diet for 30 minutes, or that they seem fixated. Gently draw attention to the problematic nature of their statements.

Ex: “The way you’re talking makes me feel like you’re maybe overly concerned about calories. Are you feeling anxiety around food?”

“I appreciate the concern, but it feels like you’re overly invested in what I choose to eat.”

“I don’t get to see you all that often, and it feels like your emotions about food and exercise are monopolizing the conversation”

3) Change the subject

Take the reigns by respectfully bringing up another subject. Sometimes people make comments about food and weight purely out of habit because we’ve been conditioned to have all sorts of hang ups around eating and dining together. Express your feelings about not wanting to participate in that conversation and bring up something else.

Ex: “BMI is an outdated number with roots in racism, so I don’t give it much credence. Can we PLEASE talk about your new job or the latest episode of The Undoing?”

5) Boundaries are your best friend

Nothing groundbreaking here- but people will cross your boundaries as much as you let them. Usually, the only time someone gets upset in reaction to you setting a boundary is because they’re someone who has been abusing them- and that’s on them, not you.

Ex: “It’s better for me not to focus too much on scale numbers or macros counted for my overall health, but I find it much harder to practice intuitive eating when you project your opinions about health on me. Can we opt not to talk about weight in general, but especially while we’re eating?”

6) Drop some knowledge

So many of the beliefs we hold about health and wellness come from marketing techniques, and not scientific evidence. If your loved one is pushing diet-culture rhetoric on you, or using it to disparage themselves, taking the time to educate yourself so that you have a prepared response could end up changing their life.

Ex: “Weight actually isn’t an accurate indicator of health, in fact there’s new evidence that suggests the stigma of fat-phobia is the real health threat” (This article in Scientific American is my go to send people on this topic as a quick primer!)

“We can’t tell how healthy someone is just by their appearance, so we’re better off not assuming we know what’s going on behind the scenes”

“Dieting actually messes with your body’s ability to respond to hunger and fullness cues, and results in weight gain over time because it thinks it needs to protect itself from starvation”

“Does that influencer you follow actually have any nutrition or fitness certifications? Or are you just taking their word for it because they have the body type you admire?”

Conclusion

Responding to body comments is never easy, and it may even feel a little clumsy at first. Hopefully having these steps in your arsenal to turn to when you're unsure how to proceed will make the experience less painful.

If you need support with learning about and practicing intuitive, mindful eating, check out my 1:1 coaching program here and find a movement practice that empowers you without body shaming- might I suggest Helen Phelan Studio !? She’s free for the first 10 days!