It’s Ok To Hate Diet Culture AND Want To Change Your Body
You’re Allowed To Want To Feel Beautiful
It’s FINE to want to change your body.
I may get flack for sounding hypocritical here, (I know IG has taught us to click on things with no nuance, but it does still exist!) but I think it’s bananas for society to program us with all of this BS about ideal bodies and features and then expect us to turn around and just be cool with the fact that it’s impossible to fit those standards. It’s just not that cut and dry, IMO.
I only wish the wellness industry would call a spade a spade, and acknowledge that working out for aesthetic reasons has nothing to do with health, and everything to do with what an individual considers beautiful.
Beauty Is Truly In The Eye Of The Beholder (Not In The Guy Doing The Airbrushing)
Buckle up 'cause I have a secret for you…despite what the fashion mags tell us about beauty, it's subjective! Just like jean legs (#skinnyjeansforever-- if they're good enough for Audrey, they're good enough for me!) and hair parts, body types are de rigueur for x amount of years until the next big trend comes along. You're not a better person for being skinny or curvy and it's equally possible to be healthy at a size zero and a size 16 (and beyond)-- maybe not for the exact same person, as we all have a healthiest individual range where our own individual body functions at it's prime, but you can't tell from size alone how healthy or disciplined they are.
The keyword there is that it's INDIVIDUAL, and comparing your healthiest self to someone else's healthiest self is like comparing a Picasso painting to a Balanchine ballet (ok…both were raging misogynists who abused women in the name of their art--- but, you get it!)-- they are completely unrelated, and you won't make one better by making them more like the other.
Health And Beauty Are Not The Same Thing
I know it sometimes feels like there's only one way to be “beautiful” but that isn't really the truth, and thank goddess, because I dunno if you've heard, but bodies come in a variety of looks! Shocking, right?! ANY of which can practice healthy behaviors (contrary to the assumptions we tend to make about certain body types as being more virtuous, and some as less so). There is no one right way to look or feel your best.
You, as a private citizen, are entitled to bodily autonomy. Full stop. (Sadly, I feel the need to re-state for the record that I am fully vaccinated and pro-science. Because of the unfortunate fact that that verbiage has been co-opted by so many Q-anon conspiracists in the wellness space, I just want to clarify that is NOT what I mean-- go get your vax on please so we can protect our communities and live our lives again!)
What I mean is, that if you wanna change your body through fitness, Botox, makeup, whateva, that's ok! Health professionals, coaches, trainers, nutrition experts etc; however, have a responsibility to get educated about eating disorders and Health At Every Size so that instead of wrapping up beauty and wellness as one thing, they can communicate that they are actually often at odds with one another, and certainly are in the context of making fitness a way of “making up" for food, or forcing your body into a size that keeps your body’s systems from functioning properly.
That is to say— do you! Get that filler. Buy JLO’s supposedly magic olive oil. Hell, even lose weight, if that’s your prerogative— but do it with informed consent and all the facts. Just because something is considered beautiful does not automatically equate it to being a healthy choice (just ask my ballet induced lifelong sacroilac joint dysfunction and dancer’s tendonitis!!). This isn’t to say that ALL beauty trends involve risk— but it is kind of concerning how many do, right? When consumers understand that, they can then decide to do the lip flip or the training plan with informed consent, understanding the nuance between health and beauty under the wellness umbrella. It also frees people in the health space who do actually just want to help people get healthy and feel great up from the thinking that they need to sell weight loss to get customers.
If your self worth or fitness habits are linked only to what's in fashion, and not rooted in taking care of yourself, it shouldn't come as a surprise that you're gonna have a harder time loving your body. For the record, I also don't think it's reasonable to expect to love your body every second of every day either, and more on that next week-- but I do think we could all do with a little bit more kindness to ourselves, no?
Two Things Can Be True At Once
While I’ll never cue in a way that glorifies one body type and vilifies another or promote weight loss for the sake of weight loss (miss me with the sculpt/tone/lean rhetoric—ICK), I think it’s important to remind my clients to cut themselves some slack when less than enthusiastic thoughts about our bodies come up. You can’t bully yourself into self- love, or beat yourself up when those thoughts arise, you can only learn more about them and how to take care of yourself best in those situations.
It’s normal for those thoughts to happen when you’ve spent a lifetime being told that your body isn’t good enough. You can understand that one very narrow and limited type of beauty is tied to patriarchy and white supremacy and capitalism and still very much want that type of beauty— because that’s what you were told to want!
Pretending that they’ll never pop up is toxic all on it’s own. Instead, developing tools like practicing body gratitude and working out with the intent to take care of yourself, can help make those thoughts pop up less often.
Conclusion
It’s human to want to fit the beauty norm, and just as it’s unrealistic to hold your body to the standards set by imagery in the media, it’s unrealistic to think your brain is so uniquely powerful that you’d be immune to it. Your best bet is to practice self-compassion and find a way of engaging with fun beauty and wellness products and practices that doesn’t wreck your self-esteem. Unsurprisingly, my modality of choice is fitness, specifically, pilates with a body neutral approach, and I designed my virtual studio, HPS to be a place where self-compassion and sweat and hard work can all co-exist. I hope you’ll check out the 10 day free trial here!
Other Articles You Might Like:
The Unexpected Power Your Fitness Instructor Has Over Your Body Image
Exercising To Lose Weight Is The Quickest Way To Burn Out On Fitness
How To Stop Obsessing About Your Body