As We Start Socializing Again, Let’s Compliment Each Other, Not Our Weight
Things are feeling…. dare I say it, hopeful these days? I get my 2nd vaccine dose this week, my partner and I have finally set a (2022) wedding date, and we’re making plans to head back to NYC once we’re dosed up. While things are still uncertain, I’m starting to feel relief for the first time in a good minute, and some foreshadowing of normalcy! Hooray!
With this, of course, comes a reintroduction to socializing.
This is def news to get excited over, and as my friend and intuitive eating and HAES aligned RD, Shana, recently posted on her IG @thenutritiontea,-- it can also mean that unsolicited comments about bodies are coming back too. Hibernating at home for a year + has meant that while we kinda forgot how to talk to people, and also protected us from comments about our bodies for a minute (apart from the BS that is the “quarantine 15” I’ve seen on social media, of course).
Even Well Meaning Body Compliments Can Be Harmful
Have you ever greeted a friend or been greeted by a “You look SO thin!!” or a “OMG you look so tiny what are you doing??!". I know I've been guilty of it in the past, 10000%. It seems harmless enough, right? It's meant as a compliment and with zero mal intent, but if there's anything 2020 taught me, it's that intent does NOT equal impact. Commenting on someone's body can often do more harm than good, and validating someone purely on their appearance is a missed opportunity to show them how much you actually value THEM. It should go without saying, but this also goes for negative comments about bodies. Just because it may be standard in your friendship or family dynamic to be casually critical about one another’s looks, doesn’t mean it’s ok. Respond to comments about your own body with a strong boundary and remember, if you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing at all!
How To Interact With Friends Again Without Commenting On Bodies
Now, by no means am I saying withhold compliments--- in fact, I love to give compliments, because making someone else feel great about themself has a sneaky way of making YOU feel great about yourself- a real win win. But, what would it feel like if you shifted your thinking from appearance to their actual qualities? Chances are, even if you know the person well and you think a body compliment is safe-- they would value being appreciated for their personality even more. I know when people compliment HPS or my energy or my creativity, it's a million times more validating than a compliment about my appearance. If you think back to compliments and feedback you’ve gotten in your life, was it the ones about your size or the ones about your soul that you remember and cherish the most? Instead of defaulting to the standard
Conclusion
A while back on the Phelan Well Journal, I wrote about body neutral compliments you can extend to your loved ones to hype them up without minimizing them to their appearance. As you ease your way into vax girl summer activities try some of them on and see how they feel! I cue my Helen Phelan Studio classes in a way that prioritizes how you feel over how you look for this very reason. HPS classes are challenging and intense without being shamey or assigning value to some body types and not others. There are over 300 pilates based workouts on the platform now, and each of them will leave you feeling stronger both physically and mentally— you can check it out for 10 days totally free, here!
Other Articles You Might Like:
Can You Hate Diet Culture But Still Want To Lose Weight At The Same Time?
Body Neutral Compliments To Gas Up Your Friends Without Reinforcing Diet Culture