You Don’t Need To Love Your Body
Social media content lends itself to oversimplification. In order for a post to go viral on IG— it has to have a grabby, click bait-y headline. Amongst the many problems associated with this that I myself struggle with as a creator, is that it can sometimes make the world feel very black and white. You either love your body or you hate it. You love green juice or you eat brownies 3 meals a day. You do a full contoured face beat or shun makeup altogether. In reality, many things can be true at once- and you don’t need to be obsessed with your body to take care of it— in fact, I think expecting to love your body all the time is unrealistic!
Self Compassion Is Important Even On Days You Don’t Love Your Body
From the moment you start to become aware of the “ideal body type” as a child, the media (and loved ones) tell us that thin not only equals beauty, but it also equals health. As we grow up, we get hip to the fact that a lot of the “beautiful” bodies we see in the media are not only sometimes arrived at through unhealthy means, but that they’re also airbrushed, strategically lit, wearing custom tailored clothing, trained to pose, surgically altered, and professionally made up. This could even be argued as reasonable for someone whose livelihood depends on fitting a certain standard- the professionally beautiful. However, for the average person, hiring a makeup artists and and a spray tanner to contour on abs isn’t a realistic option. In this golden age of Google, we have access to this information. We know the work that goes into creating the image of the “perfect body”, and we know it’s not attainable.
Unfortunately, knowing something, and FEELING something are two different things. We can know that we’ll never look like Kendall Jenner (because Kendall Jenner doesn’t even look like Kendall Jenner) and yet still feel like there’s something wrong with us, still feel like we aren’t “enough”.
Enter commercialized body positivity.
When beauty and wellness brands starting catching on to body positivity, which has its roots in celebrating marginalized bodies, like POC and non binary and queer folx, they started threading in that language to the same products they’re trying to sell us to “fix” what we think is wrong with us. Now, instead of a cellulite cream to “blast” marks away, it’s become a self care cream to foster self love- a moment of self care, not disgust. Sometimes the language is even really convincing— I’ve had to follow plenty of fitness influencers who talk self love all day long, just to post a transformation pic shaming the before body. The implicit message here is that if you do their workouts, you too, could have a body that’s worth celebrating.
The problem with body positivity under capitalism and diet culture is that they never stopped showing us one version of beauty and they never stopped making us feel like being anything else is wrong. The definition of gaslighting according to Dictionary.com is to cause a person to doubt his or her sanity through the use of psychological manipulation. The wellness industry has effectively been gaslighting us into trying to fix our perceived flaws, while simultaneously saying we should love our “flaws”! I can’t be the only one who feels like they’re in the Twilight Zone…
We are not taught to love our bodies. We are taught that they are never tall or thin or toned or curvy or tan or white or insert beauty standard here ENOUGH to be considered beautiful. So, we do what we’re told. We learn to fixate on the qualities that make us unique and human. Then, we’re told that we should celebrate those same things. This too, is unrealistic. You can’t tell me something is bad, then turn around and ask me to throw it a party, AND THEN go on to shame me for not wanting to shout from the rooftops how much I love my body?? Huh?!
Body Positivity Can Be Toxic Positivity If We Don’t Pay Attention
We’re complex creatures with a big spectrum of emotions. “Good vibes only” type talk doesn’t account for the fact that there are sometimes, in fact, bad vibes. For body positivity to really work, the wellness industry needs to stop selling us things that are intentionally designed to keep us feeling body negative. If we keep being sold the messaging that there’s not only something wrong with our bodies, but that there’s the additional stigma of developing the very human response of struggling to love that same body, we’re just layering shame on shame.
To take it a step further, things that women become interested in as a response to looking for that self worth, like makeup and botox and shapewear and exercise trends, are then weaponized and labeled as vapid or superficial or even hysterical. Talk about your textbook mind fuck!
I just have to say- it’s not fair. It’s not fair to be told there’s something wrong with you. it’s not fair to be told to suck it up and love what you’ve been told is faulty. It’s not fair to be told that the things you buy and put yourself through to make that thing “better” are desperate and shallow. Diet culture is not the fault of the dieter- it’s not your fault. While I hope that we can widen the beauty standard and start celebrating way more different types of bodies, I also get it. If you want to spend your money on filler or facials or Skims because they make you feel confident temporarily, do you! You are entitled to that.
Conclusion
This is a long winded and potentially controversial way of saying, there is nothing wrong with you if you don’t look like the magazines. In fact, the only thing wrong is the magazine! I get it. I catch myself over-analyzing my pores just like the next gal— but we are not the problem, these habits are a result of the culture we live in. It’s important to do the work of unpacking the messaging we’ve been sold— which is a major reason why I never cue about aesthetics in my pilates classes, but also to not beat yourself up for the moments when you fall under the diet culture spell- you are only human.
I created Helen Phelan Studio to be a place for you to engage with exercise and build a healthy relationship with your body because I know the pressure is coming on from all angles— and you DON’T need it from your fitness instructor. There’s a free 10 day trial to check out my mindful pilates, stretch, and body image workshops available here!
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It’s Ok To Hate Diet Culture And Want To Change Your Body