Can You Hate Diet Culture But Want Botox?
I mean, I do.
The fact that I still very much want to perform beauty isn’t something I’m proud of, given all the messed up implications behind what and who our society deems beautiful but it’s still a fact that’s true. I have done a lot of healing work over the last few years to divest my worth from my appearance, to make health decisions based on actual HEALTH and not beauty standards, and to work on accepting myself as I am- not a future, hypothetical “improved” version of myself.
And yet, it would appear I’m not all the way there. Furthermore, beauty culture can even be fun to participate in at times. Can these practices be warped and toxic and encourage fixation? Yes, but so can exercise, and nutrition, and they are not inherently bad either. I actually do enjoy doing my silly little skincare routine- it provides structure to my morning (sup Virgo moons!), knowing I’ll be doing my lotions and potions forces me to wake up early enough that I don’t feel frantic getting the day started and gives me time to check in with myself. When I have a workout outfit I feel good in, it makes even the toughest workout more enjoyable. On the rare days I actually blow out my hair, I actually feel like the grown up that 18 year old me always thought that 30 year old me would act like. Would I go so far as to say these activities are self-care? Eh…no I don’t think I could justify that. Self care is brushing your teeth so you don’t get gum disease. Crest Whitestrips are for the aesthetic. There’s a line. A blurry one, but it’s there. Can these practices be warped and toxic and encourage fixation? Oh, absofuckinglutely. Will everyone interact with them the exact same way? No, methinks not.
You might think it seems off brand to be anti-diet culture but into beauty- and you’re right, it is… but ICYMI, I’m not a product, I’m a person. Even though my mission in my business is to help people feel empowered by movement and take the focus off perfection in the fitness space, I’m also a woman who’s been shaped by the same media influences that you have. I am deeply aware of how challenging it is to completely disown beauty standards.
I think we can all agree that the immense pressure our society places on people to perform beauty is toxic. I also think it’s up to you to decide where and how things get toxic for you (be honest!). I enjoy shaving my legs (ok, in the warm months, at least) because to me, slipping into linen sheets with the smooth legs of a dolphin is a simple pleasure. If, for instance, you feel pressure to shave your legs because your gender expression doesn’t align with societal expectations, you’ll of course, disagree.
Part of me wishes I could denounce performative femininity and live as my actual natural self—and the other part of me just really f-ing LOVES a good puffy sleeve and a red lip. Yes, conditioning and even internalized misogyny may shape my preferences, none of us are above “nurture”, but they’re still my preferences. We all contain nuance. It would be easier to stand up and pretend I have that nuance figured out. What’s bad, what’s good. To sell you a plan that promises that you’ll never have another unkind thought about your body again because you’re perfect just as you are. But that would be lying (you ARE perfect as you are, but it’s human instinct to have a negativity bias, which is then furthered by the media we consume).
Beauty Culture and Diet Culture Are Linked
There is no question that the popularity of skincare and anti-aging and cosmetic procedures is clearly indicative with our society’s discomfort with women growing older and our bodies changing. The boundary for me comes in that while there are risks with things like Botox — at least they are clearly communicated. No one walks into a Botox appointment thinking, this is making my skin healthier. No, they realize that it’s a means of them performing beauty- and that it’s actually a toxin they’re willingly injecting. In wellness, however, thinness is sold as health even when it puts your well-being at risk. The the blurry marketing around it is even more insidious because a lot of consumers aren’t even aware of the dangers they can be taking on when they pursue weight loss. There are very obvious parallels to the fitness industry’s obsession over size even when it’s at odds with actual healthy living, I don’t need to detail those for you. The most important thing to remember in my book, is not to confuse the pursuit of beauty with the pursuit of wellness- and from there you can decide if coloring your hair is fun and empowering or disempowering and ageist, based on YOUR lived experience.
The Difference Between Health and Beauty
Understanding the difference between health and beauty isn’t easy in this “beauty as wellness” world. However, I can honestly say that I feel way less pressure to control my body in the way I did just 6 years ago. Before I started this anti diet work, realizing that I posted an IG story with a giant thing of food in my teeth and left it up for 12 hours would’ve embarrassed me off the app completely…now I’m able to take myself less seriously and remember that I’m human (this happened just a few weeks ago!).
For me to pursue a body thinner than the body I exist in now, is not healthy, and I would not be happy. I’ve been there, done that, have the t-shirt. For me to pursue a face that has less stress lines, may not be healthy for my bank account, and if I were to pull at the thread a little bit more, surely means there’s still work I need to do around accepting myself, but it’s not putting me in the same active danger that my unhealthy relationship with food and exercise was. I don’t necessarily know if I could all beauty good or bad, or that anyone really can be the authority on that. To me, that duality shows me that all of this is very personal.
Conclusion
TBH, I’m still struggling with this as it relates to beauty in general— like— beauty can be self expression, and it can also be oppressive— how are we supposed to balance that?! Does my love of Youtube makeup tutorials (that I never actually attempt) and pretty skincare packaging mean I’m buying into the beauty ideal or does it mean I am a creative human being with a mind for neuroaesthetics? I truly do. not. know. Nor do I think there’s only one correct answer, as politics and beauty are so intertwined. If this topic is something that comes up for you a lot, I recommend subscribing to Jessica Defino’s substack The Unpublishable— a lot of what she writes confronting the politics behind why we love skincare makes me uncomfortable (like I said, I’m personally not ready to let go of my skincare routine just yet). While she’s very thorough, witty, and the memes are aplenty, addressing long held beliefs about beauty is not a fun experience… but, being uncomfortable doesn’t mean we should avoid doing the work!
*Note, what our society views as aesthetic and beautiful is incredibly political. If we want to have fun with creativity and expression we also have to face and unpack WHY we believe some qualities are beautiful and some are not. Patriarchy/sexism, white supremacy/racism, ageism, fat phobia, ableism, homophobia and more are all involved in shaping what gets called worthy and pretty and what does not. Burrowing our head in the sand about that will not help any of us love ourselves, even if you can afford every cosmetic procedure in the world (just look at Khloe Kardashian).
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